Goldfish Simuli
Had another classic mental breakdown turned self reflection turned inspo lock in tonight. Found a goldfish simulator called RYUKIN and suddenly the self hatred depressive spiral turned into "i need to work on my website." And I will today. Not for anyone else. Just for myself. I have eben really stuggling with my mental health, I have been trying to work on myself and while I do think I am better than I was this time last year, I cannot say I am anywheres near out of the dark. I am SO SO SO SO insecure, and it is ruining what little bit of life I even have. I just think I am so ugly, worthless, uncreative etc etc. every degrating debilitating thought in the book. I am luckily in a more supportive enviorment than i was last year but again, still in the pit... UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have been dealing with grief as well, and I dont really want to burden anyone with that but I lost a friend in September and MAN.. do i miss them. Fighting to stay alive another day, and every day is a sick and twisted little test from god or something. I just wish it was easier. I wish i had a definied purpose/specfic intrest. I am too generalize to make it in this life, but we persist. Gonna work on the vampire shrine now. OK adios.
I got a water bottle (its red and beautiful) so i HAVE been drinking water. Yippee!!!!
-BEE <3